Eli sent me this, which is super relevant to my life now: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-neill/fear-of-rejection_b_3110481.html
Have been very bothered about applications and rejections-a case of 10 times bitten, forever shy. I didn’t like to be rejected despite my efforts. I get the theory of not being the best match/someone is better than you kinda thing but I just end up really insecure and dejected.
I am currently doing my leadership wiki project on Robert Bob Pittman, the dude who started MTV! First knew about him when I picked up a book in the library.. one of the few non-fiction stuff I checked out. He’s a really inspiring guy. Attended college four times and didn’t graduate but damn look what this guy has done! Not only does he have a sparkling resume, he revolutionised a freaking century with his ideas.
I used to tell myself that I wanted to achieve something by the age of 20. Wanted to finish my video projects, Dunman High Diaries, featuring memories and life in DHS, wanted to start up my etsy shop… wanted to do a lot of things. I lacked focus- scattered energies everywhere. Then I turned twenty and I felt that I disappointed myself. But there was just so much going on in my life then. Not that I regretted anything but I was a really stressed person. (Though yeah I kinda did manage to balance social life/school/work)
Talked about this to some of my friends, and I remember how Bolong told me that I could just give myself some more time- I could just take time and extend it. I thought to myself, that’s true, doesn’t mean that I missed my deadline means that I should completely give up. Why did I create a box that caged myself in?
Being in CAPT, I really got to do some hands-on stuff- all the lift activities, all the jamming sessions, late night/meal time talks- everything contributes to me being inspired to do something. I am unabashed to say that I have always felt that I would one day do something very amazing, and that I am geared for greatness. Because I believe that I can do it.
But question is, what am I going to do?
Was watching videos (or more like listening to music videos) and chanced upon this interview of Miguel. (Was listening to some Frank Ocean and checking out people of his genre)
I felt really moved by what he said, his vision, his values, and what he wants to do with his music. How he wanted to defy convention and his passion. It came through very succinctly and at 2-3am I was unexpectedly inspired by this man.
Staying on campus has reminded me of something very important- I really like being around people. I am an ENFP and being here has really amplified my extroversion. I have always thought I was a balanced E/I, because I liked my own space and all.. but being here- I feel like I am feeding on everyone’s energy and turning it into something else. It’s a pretty amazing feeling. When people of different energies (I see them as differently coloured), get together, chemistry happens and great things are born.
It is truly as my professor said, one great thing about staying in CAPT is the people you meet, the networks and relationships you make. There so are many talents and amazing minds here, it’s no wonder things like Facebook are created during college times etc.
Big things grow from small ones and I know I will probably be embarking on a very important journey- will be starting a series of small projects and perhaps one day they will grow big enough to impact and bring goodness and happiness to more people.
Most of the time I feel when I fail society’s structures and designed boxes that something is deficient within me. But then I remind myself that awesome people don’t work within boxes. They can live outside too! And for me, I don’t need to be so extreme. I would love to be the bridge between the two- use society’s boxes and rigours to be a general guideline, and look from outside in to see what kind of positive changes I can make to make life inside the box perhaps a little suffocated.
I have to constantly remind myself to temper my disposition- I cannot be too stubborn, I should be open, polite enough, and more kind than needed. I must retain my values,my honesty, and should admit my faults, and be less of a bratty person.
Thanks for being here for me, friends. Thanks for joining in my personal journey of self discovery (and perhaps future greatness, hahaha)