three times tingles

arigatou ありがとう

Today was a really good day!

Time to give thanks :)

Was battling my 50% term paper yesterday night, was feeling quite emo nemo after a couple of hours in. Thankfully I did my leg work- but overall I didn’t turn in a stellar paper- oh well? Haha. Thank you Dori for popping by with her uke + gummies <3 Thanks for your company :))

Went for training yesterday too (lol). Really good to see everybody- Abby, Cass, Maria,Xiang Ping, Josh and the laojiaos like Pok and Shersern  etc……slow pitch was even fun for a while cause we had enough to make two teams :) Went back early to finish up my paper though. And heng heng the two years of training didn’t disappear so quickly. Still rusty but ok la still can work it :)

The grass was really lush last night, love the open sky (yeah I can never get tired of repeating this haha.)

After a while I got really fed up with my paper and went to find the boys! Ended up bumming around till like early morning and we just decided to stay up, eat ice cream, watch boliao videos and do nothing?!! Joseph and Ernest were the most productive haha lol 3-4am still can do assignments and essay plans siol. Meanwhile I’m like there trying to analyse and think about how I can improve my basketball skillz and listening to the advice from ze master strategist Ken hahaha. Then we the stoned people decide to wait for breakfast at 7am instead. HAHA. Cray. But still the best people evar :)) It was so weird - I think it’s my first 7am breakfast this semester/year LOL. Such a different crowd in the early morning. 

Slept it off a little bit and woke up to JAMMMM with Abby & Cass!! Our band is called Sally hahaha after the song Dont Look Back in Anger. Cass is freaaaaking sick on keys I don’t even haha. My fave song we did today is Love Me Again! Never heard of the song but it’s really cool. And of course not forgetting the cool drummer Abby Chew :DD I think we had a great sesh today!! Then went to have lunch…

and woah! Hoyee visits NUS! So good to see her again (if you are reading this hahaah) Am amused by her purple things. LOL. But good to see you :)) She came to help distribute candy and spread the word about Lolick, this cute candy online shop selling American candy! Cheap and yummy so go check it out——>www.lolickcandy.com

Finished up my work and had dinz with Oli & Jo. Didn’t occur to me that they have not had a proper conversation in ages haha cause I have been regularly in touch with the both of them. Oops. End up playing charades in the middle of the dining hall HAHA. Then Ashley was passing by and haha his voice just brings back all the DHS memories HAHAHA got the feelz. Love how comfortable we all are :) How far we have come ^.^ Thank you also to Oli for dealing with all my freak out sessions and things like that :))

Then I had a hug from Sarah :))) went to bum around in the Flying Seed playing piano and nonsense with some of the hulkies :)

Also went back to the east on a big hoo-ha about my phone haha -_-” ohwell. was good to catch up with my sister who is working at a preschool now! She told me about the funky ‘unique’ names kids have nowadays. Am glad she found something fun for work!

Thank to kaiying for the random COLD 100 plus today while on the shuttle bus HAHA. And hello to all my dear friends from CAPT and NUS , always great to see yall around :))

Formal dinner just passed too. Can’t believe it’s one of the last performances I’m doing in CAPT- a place of beginnings, really. Will miss everybody. But that’s another post for another day, don’t wanna delve into emo feelings right now.

Time to catch up on some readings now :)) Everybody thinks I don’t study and stuff but lol bitches I’m not even lagging behind on my readings. 

BYE HAHA :)

#blogpost    

in sickness and in health, in joy and sorrow, in busyness and days of peace

Have been leading a very harried life- how ironic is it to rush yourself to go ‘enjoy’ life and ‘engage’ life?

Somewhere in the week I debated with myself whether I should cut down the amount of hours I sleep (already not very much) in order to complete things I want to do. For example, I could use the extra hours to study, create new things, read, exercise, hang out with friends….but then I’m like haha my body will give out before I try to.

I guess I definitely still have the mentality that I’m invincible in health and that I can do anything.

I’m not the type to throw caution to the wind. Probably gonna be my biggest downfall.

There are so many things in life I would want to experience, but I lack an anchor to force me to savour life slowly and more meaningfully.

Then in my haste I also neglect people around me- I experience and receive their love in many ways, but feel that I have inadequately reciprocated in our relationships. Especially for family- wish I could give back much more.

Then there comes the times where you question if whatever you’re chasing is worth it at all.

And the fear, of having to deal with the fleetingness of it all. I know people say things like , “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”. But honestly to avoid the pain of leaving we all have different coping mechanisms.

Ending my university chapter soon, and am faced with the tough situation of having to leave CAPT and all company behind. Without this common space, relationships, friendships, they will all inevitably change. Am I even ready for that?

Fear not…. but I can sense the eminent sadness of parting already.

#blogpost    

notes

  • I like big pictures when running events,
  • I like small details when I’m with people and making, creating and sharing experiences with and for them. 
  • So maybe I like to settle the small details before running the big details.
  • Just realised during a rather precarious game for mentor bonding the people who were blindfolded really put their trust in me- and I was flippant/unaware of it. Thanks for trusting in me!
  • It might be the same feeling of when I trust my fellow musicians- I feel safe and I don’t care if I screw up or if they screw up because it doesn’t matter because I trust you anyways and we can pull through together! Then everybody can focus on what they do best and give a good show.
  • I hate things that like, drag. I need the now and the now. I am impatient. 
  • But I get things going. Who I probably need to meet and work with is someone who knows how to sustain. I guess in a start-up I’m the spark that starts the things but probably not sustain. I honestly think sustaining is a better big and challenging job. But as the ideas person I will be there to help troubleshoot new problems? Or so I hope I have the patience to.
  • Maybe that’s why I like one-off things.. and if I need lasting things, I want a good, solid base. 
  • I am stubborn and need to be walked through your opinion before agreeing with it- otherwise I might follow through your instructions but maybe feel very unbalanced inside because I think something else is better/more relevant/more efficient.
  • I like when people offer alternative solutions- that I’m super super blind to.
  • I like how different people play to different strengths and that makes up a good core team.
  • Working solo is okay but working with a team is more fun when you bounce off ideas and make something good turn into something even more awesome.
  • Yeah.
#blogpost    

be what you wanna be/NANANANA

listening to: Supermodel by FOSTER THE PEOPLE

I don’t know how but this album is really good. Was a bit apprehensive when they described it to be very different haha. NO LEH! Loving the new elements too. Well done FTP! *claps*

WARNING: This is a complete Sir Boast-a-lot post.

Did four performances in the span of two weeks. Was a bit of insane preparation imo.

First up is Open Day!!

Spent the morning with YWV, it was great to meet the students from QSS!! I think we had a great first session :) Looking forward to more!

Spent the EARRRRLY morning chionging my religion term paper till 3am. Not a cool idea. But am very touched by the otah/egg sent to my doorstep :’)) *cries*

And when the ameen’s maggie goreng arrived in CAPT via “FOOD’S HERE” in whatsapp- it was one of the nicest messages to receive. HAHA.  I think everyone was soooo hungry after CE Fest.

CE Fest was fun! And I haz a new shirt yay?!

And the next day received another new shirt for CAPT—-> our college’s colours are now maroon & yellow!

 

Played our chinese song sets with Jam City’s HONG LV DENG! Very glad to get to perform this bunch of fun and talented people. Dayan’s and Vanessa’s first performances! So proud.

Open Day was awesum. Had PIZZA omg for lunch. The comm is so upz I don’t even I heart drumsticks so much. Hung out & dyed our hair red and blue LOLOL it was hilarious. Love this bunch <3

The following day was Vanessa’s birthday party! Elvis put a group of people together- let me steal a picture from Vanessa now;

(Edmund is hidden) but Tzu Ying, Edmund, me and Elvis performed for the pretty birthday girl :) Saboed Junhao to sing a song too hahah!!!

And that’s me there with my new polka dot dress :)) I like it very much ahah!!

The following week= practises for Formal Dinner- fun to get everyone together, miss everybody.

In other news, Tulpar won the INS Shield! Mega pridez :D You guys rule!! So amusing that everyone was discussing the DOTA win- we apparently did very well haha.

Mmms. Then yesterday! (gestern in german) I did a 30 minute set of covers and originals in Starbucks YIH! Sarah pointed out to me that it was my first public solo performance. I didn’t realise haha :) Was a great crowd- one girl even googled the lyrics to Pokemon for me when I … forgot my chorus lyrics (sigh, again, lol). Also a bigass shout out to my friends who came to support me I luvvv yall <3

Thanks to Hosimin & Oli!! To Lydia! To Chenchuan! To Yuting who came in halfway and LOL I didn’t sing two lines in response hahaha. And also thanks to Fadhly my tutorial mate who made life easier for me ! Thanks to everyone and OMS!

Next up went back to CAPT to prepare for Open Mic later on in the night. Did 3 songs in total with mr matthew hooi my jamming budz. We only decided to do Happy like on Tuesday HAHA. Soooo lol I forgot my lyrics again but the crowd was great, the ambience was goooooood. Thank you to all my friends for coming down to support. Many loves and hugs <3 And the Open Mic performers were fantastic too. Will totally miss all this!!!  Props to the organising committee :)

Also, Matt did his first (?) public perf of his just completed original. So proud :’) Well done!

Anddd so what’s next for Skye? (I see Skye as a different entity btw..)

Might be having my first paid gig *gasp* hahaha! And probably gonna do more recordings for the channel with friends! The next public gig will probably be July ~? I’ll give updates :)

Also great news:

1. got to play basketball today. Visiting foreign students oohed, ahhed and clapped when we scored LOLOL. ALSO. I UNLOCKED AN ACHIEVEMENT. After dry weeks of not playing due to Open House prep (the src closed), I somehow managed to change my shooting style woots woots. Less stress on my shoulders apparently. Still getting gai like mad but ok la HAHA. 

2. got to meet Nic and Serene in the CLIB (which I only visited like thrice this semester?!) and caught up a little :) Loves loves. Borrowed like 7 Picasso books for my research paper haha.

3. Booked my air tickets for my one month holiday after graduation :)

4. I have awesome friends. Thanks for loving me, feeding me and being the best company evarrrr. Sorry I’m so moody and crazy sometimes *shrugs*

5. Also biggest props to my dad and my sister who cooked at 2am for me cuz I was hungry LOL :D 

6. and special thanks to Ms Freshkon :DDD loves <3

okay time to catch up on some reading :) 

(5 books behind my Goodreads challenge, NEINNNNN!!)

Love you and have fun peeps <3

#blogpost    

spaces

My latest music go to is the Arctic Monkeys. 

Life has been going at full throttle these couple of days. Am bracing myself for a very busy and tiring week- we are halfway through now! Have many performances lined up, quite excited but also hope I can deliver.

I wish I could love like you do, forgive like you do. It’s difficult to do it - I feel too much. Been trying to curb a lot of emotions and stay rational. I have been using Coursera courses to help me gain focus- when I’m angsty I watch the lectures and when I feel focused enough I’ll direct that energy to studying or writing essays. It’s like a transformer where I put my emotions in.

Am thankful for the many little things.

Was just telling my mother about my supposed job and I noted how my family is very supportive of whatever I do. :’)

And the little things that my friends do tell me that they love me- I do feel loved. Thank you.

Not very sure how I’m giving back though. Not very well I guess. Trying hard not to project negativity onto people. Sometimes I don’t know how to love people anymore.

Well, whatever you are, be a good one. 

Side note: I think I probably chose the right course in university. When I was in secondary school I remember blogging (very amateurishly) about how crimes are only crimes because society says it’s bad. Haha born sociologist siol. Sadly nobody understood me haha. I’m glad to finally gain the vocabulary and ability to be able to express myself better now after taking modules like Deviance. 

Yeah. Still kinda believe everything happens for a reason, and everything will fall into place on its own. You can’t stop the universe, so que sera, sera.

#blogpost    

And…here’s my newest Original!!

Lyrics

when the stars go out and say goodbye

I see the moments in the shadows and the light

the warmth of your fingertips

they linger on tonight

baby just tell me

why we have to fight

when the morning arrives

will you still be by my side

we let the fire die

who else to blame but you and I

so hold me tight hold me tight

for one last time

hold me tight hold me tight

if only for tonight

hold me tight hold me tight

even as we cry

hold me tight hold me tight

I guess this will be goodbye

you said the moon was brightest in my eyes

we sat and listened to the stories of the tide

so many memories of you and I

but now I guess I’ll have to put the past behind

#blogpost    #music    #skyesoon    #original    

An acoustic cover :)

#blogpost    #music    #skyesoon    

so hung up

on things that are not mine, 

I’m trying very hard not to run away from the problem but I cannot tackle this in a nice way. So I shall just let it be. Better to leave it then cause more damage right?

I’m sorry but I can’t. I’m trying hard to remember good things and good times but it is so difficult. I am unable to reconcile anything.  I think our friendship never ran deep enough to warrant such fights.

#blogpost    

you

you let me get away with murder

so I’ll keep pushing your buttons

but then you never seem to feel anything

so I think

maybe you’re dead inside

or maybe

you love me too much

not a sin

but definitely tragic for you.

#blogpost    

ephemeral

Life has been very full of acitivity and joy!

Spent the recess week well- with great company and lots of fun. Even managed to study a little bit. Am going to miss university and everything really badly when it ends. Well I guess life goes on…Need to stop harping on the ‘I’m graduating’ note and just live life hard & fast. 

My feelings change like the weather. Just a night’s difference and it all ended hahaha. Some of my big decisions come from dreams, or when I wake up, my mind’s all set. /shrug

Where do I go from here? Am still a child struggling to come to terms with the uncertain reality ahead. Trodden paths or not, I need to find my place and own it. 

This year I learnt mostly to let go- of should-beens, have-beens and what-could-have-beens. If you were here it would make a difference but the fact is that you are not. So stop blaming everybody for what you have done and eat up your own consequences. Nobody owes anybody anything. 

Spent Friday night with cc dy and wy in the lounge- studying, emoing over chinese ballads & Thor 2 + chocolate ice cream. Hhaa then went to explore trying to use my diaphgram. Woah it is soooo difficult haha need to train up the core and singing muscles.

Also played captain ball, bball x2, cycling + kayaking in ubin this week.. Am gonna head out to swim later too :> Had many foosball, air hockey matches, and also some music sessions. Also had some YOLO nights haha we are insane. Memories forged in the middle of the night haha :D 

Also thanks to ahniao for popping by utown yesterday :) Glad to catch up just a little bit :> And great to meet Daphne too haha we haz fate yall. Miss everybody.

#blogpost    

questions

Havent been in this space for a while- I apologise. Need to pen down my thoughts….->

Realised I spent a lot of time today with people I love. Spent a lot of time laughing my guts off during the human knot game etc. Laughter is such a powerful thing. And when I feel meh-ish or anything, the company from familiar faces are the best. They may not know my life story, but they accept me anyways. Loves <3

YWV today. I’m really glad today went well! Learnt a lot from the mentor training session- I actually have a fear of trying to hang out with secondary school kids- which is why I don’t dare to be camp facils. Primary school kids are okay, but secondary school kids… I’m not so confident that I know how to interact with them. So today was really useful. In the end as long you lose your pride and focus on the relationship everything should be alright.

Bonding session- ended up with very little people but haha it was great fun! I really think they missed out haha. Oh well. Am proud of the team too for adapting quickly to the situation- I like team think and action. Also love the eggs.

Elvis raised two questions->

1. What makes you happy?

2. (I forgot the question oops)

My answer was something like… the world is running on human relationships. And if we are all running on a fuel called love, I would very much like to be good at giving and recieving it. 

And the other response was something along the lines of being able to bring happiness to someone else.

AND HAHA! more happy news! Am glad to be going to the msia trekking camp with some of the capt people - I am going to have such bad withdrawal symptoms when I leave school. Will always be in love with the great outdoors.

Have been playing a lot of bball, trying to get my life on track and studying.. and preparing for upcoming performances :)) YOLO-ing it a little because it’s the lasst semester. Can’t believe time flew by so fast.

Was good to also meet people and get my life back a little. Missed my friends. Had a super shiok but spicy hotpot dinz with the Hs- then we went to ruin a couple’s date at a Fort Canning concert by being huge lightbulbs.. and hanging out doing kuku things. Also met up with my dearest Leelee I freeeeeaking missed you so much. And missed the beach too <3 And also met up with the babes for ramen & celebrating Serene’s birthday :)) Loveyall. 

I have to start my career search soon though. Aish? 

Wonder if I will be able to find a place where I can grow and be happy in. Have been living in places that are so sheltered and full of love- will I be able to transitition back to the sometimes ugly reality? Mmmhms.

Things that energise me- people & music.I did my MBTI again and I’m still the same. ENFP-  I guess I feel energised by the people around me. So..I hope I get to do something related then :)

Need to say this again- my friend deserve medals for shit I pull. Thanks for being around, for giving me such a loving space and support when I need it. I try my best but sometimes I fall short of my own expectations. Thanks for loving me anyways.

Lots of stuff have been happening- I’m just glad to say I grew up over the course of these few weeks. Allowed myself to share, be vulnerable, to learn, to grow. To be rational, to be emotional, to see things in different light. To be courageous, to be disciplined, to maintain. To … do my self criticising thing again and sometimes accept myself. Forgive myself (okay I’m not really there yet but yeah) It’s a hurdle I find really, really hard to cross.

Glad it’s over in a sense haha it’s a relief to be released from all the emotional strain. Good to live free.

I hope that wherever I go, and whatever age I am- I can find my roots and stay anchored to the things that I think define myself. That energises me. That builds me. Like reading and music- I hope I never fall out of love of these, even when I fall out of love with various other things or people.

Going to have to bring focus back to my life and strive hard the next few weeks- must work and play hard.

Go hard or go home.

#blogpost    

you can’t live like this

Things come and go, que sera sera.

Mixed bag of a Monday, but I… am feeling very worn out and maybe it is why I feel so jaded right now, even with all the good things happening in my life.

It’s true- we are the cause of our own sufferings.

Sorry, I pull out of this game. Too easily hurt and discouraged :/

#blogpost    

all ze feels

finally have time to take a breather.

Woke up at 6am this morning and trekked off to the Hindu temple for my project again! Less fear entering the temple again- familiarity is such comfort. Being early- also meant less devotees around! Awwh D: But I had interesting conversations and everyone was mostly friendly :)

Days have been pretty good! Trying to play catch up with school while having my play hard life. 

Vday performance was fun! So much fun playing electric guitar- can’t wait to own one and play with distortion and shit. Haha. Also Stefan is a (YYYY) drummer and trumpeteer haha :D Also great to work with Charmaine, Edmund & Mic (thanks for lending me your guitar). <33

Vday was.. a little rushed haha. Didn’t have much time to prepare anything much- meetings and talks and projects and tests and stuff alllll week long D: Me no receive roses or a lot of chocolate this year but it’s okay! Am happy to receive love from everybody around me <33 Thanks to everybody who walked the extra mile just to bring joy to others :) 

Went back to training- mmmhms I missed fielding. And god knows how much I love the dark, open night sky.

Also played le basket for two days :D Love my bball buddies- tons of nonsense haha. Friday morning was hilarious. Love the company :))

Met ongz on the road to CLIB- haha lol at our random meetings! This old-timer friend tells me things about myself that really just blows my mind. I thought I am being damn straightforward le leh… Maybe it’s all relative! 

Went to the Total Defense exhibition in the national museum :D photos to follow :) Love the art too.

Turkey is also over for me, so let’s bring into focus Japan :)

Japanology- German for Japanese Studies (lol)

Tulpar chip & dip also ended! Totally got trolled- Sergio is my angel! LOL and I still had the cheek to complain about my angel during breakfast when he was there. HAHA still say will help me relay message to my angel HAHA shit haha got trolled. But he made a terrarium and gave it to me-YAY I LOVE IT !!! I always wanted one <3 Lol then my mortal Roy gave me chocolate ice cream so yay to that too ^^

Went for the career fair with Chris! Yay thanks to Chris for dragging me there haha I was so lazy. Submitted my resumes and checked out a couple of companies- wonder where I will end up in a few months. Yay also to freebies and die heftes (notebooks).

Meanwhile I’m trying to maintain and like, go slow. No point in hurrying I guess. But I’m such an impatient person. 

Well. Let’s see where this road goes. Determined to walk it till the end- then we’ll see if it truly a dead-end.

I need beach therapy.

#blogpost    

sorta hoping you would stay

I love this song: Do I Wanna Know by Arctic Monkeys

So. We made it.

8 February - such a long time coming. From conception, to execution.

What a long journey it was. 

These few days have passed by really quickly. 

Overall I’m glad that I am involved in the musical, and I’m really, really proud of everybody. And thankful for all the support. I think we made a really good first production! Such a blast :)

As a publicity head I would say I tried new things, made mistakes, learnt a lot. Went through hell and back, now everything looks trivial. Am thankful for rocks and solid friends and team mates! I am really glad to have known you all as well. Not much feels left now- maybe I’m too tired to go into any emotional state. In a state of null now.

Time to go back to real life, and enjoy the rest of the semester without THAT much worry. Missed everybody, my family, my life, my friends from outside CAPT (sorry guys…MIAed for quite a while). 

Is this gonna be like… my last major school event? Or maybe graduation haha..

Alright I’ll talk to you guys in a little bit. <3

#blogpost    

forgetting

Things I hate about myself:

  • Making promises I can keep but don’t bother to- where does all this inertia come from? I must have lost my motivation somewhere. It might be possible that I have burnt out again- but is this because I’m really at the end of the candle and never had time to regenerate? And where can I find the time and space to do so? Life seems like a never-ending stream of possibilities- not all negative but certainly fast moving and rather frustrating when you cannot cope.
  • My conscience kills me every day.When I could have been the better person, the better friend, the better leader, the better citizen. 
  • Maybe until I learn how to forgive myself for being human will life cease to be such misery.
  • I don’t even know what I’m looking for now. A break? No promises that life will be better after a break. No promises at all.
  • Somewhere along the lines something broke. Maybe I let the wound fester because I wanted to live in the pain.
  • I hate that I am no longer there. When I’m in classes, I’m not there. When I’m with friends, I’m not there. In conversations, I’m not there. Then where am I? I am sorry for being absent, even when physically I am beside you. I can’t even fully be asleep. It is difficult for me to stay focused and not worry about something. I hate being so out of control and not being to stay on top of all the events in my life. 
  • May I find peace? Thank you.
#blogpost    

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