Princess Diaries + Savage Garden
"Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all."
What Mia’s dad wrote to her for her sixteenth birthday.
well but thank god for the internet
'Ambiguity - not having a new goal in mind - is stressful.'
‘ I guess I feel scared. That just makes me disappointed. Bravo to you all though. Many of your stories were inspiring. Maybe it really is about the journey.’
‘Not that I’m happy about others’ misery, but it’s good to know I’m not alone. Everyone else just seems to think graduating is the best thing ever. I cried after my last exam, went out to eat by myself, and then went home to be alone and miserable. I thought graduating would be amazing, to finally feel like I’m making progress toward my life goals. Instead I just feel like a piece of shit. I’m vacillating between dysthymia and major depression, and I keep having flashes of suicidal thoughts. I’m working a shit job, got accepted into a mediocre law school, and have no idea how I’m going to function as an adult. Happy graduation…’
‘With the vast majority of students living away from home for the entirety of their university experience, trading new-found independence, power and responsibility for living back at home due to lack of funds can seem like an unnatural step back, or a regression to a pre-university self that was not so in control and independent. For some, returning to home comforts is preferred, but for many, feeling dependent with no real structure feels restrictive.’
‘As hard as it is to stomach at this point in life when all your peers are clawing for a life worthy of envy, accept that everybody is different and follows their own path.’
‘It’s seems impossible to conceive in dark moments like these, but remember that one day you will be the one with the experience landing the job. Your current feelings of inadequacy will then be a distant memory because the funny thing about dreams is that once you reach them you forget what they ever were.’
Had a pretty good day catching up with friends today but I’m feeling really awful now -_-
Trying to stay positive but gosh it is hard. Nobody is really giving me any explicit pressure to go do anything but I just find it hard to breathe. Just feel really stressed out- I think can understand your pain a little better now. Uncharted waters is super intimidating. Feels like every step is wrong, every step is damning. People will tell you things like ,’ just try it out, you never know- maybe you’ll enjoy it’. I think I just have a fear of being miserable, but this attitude is just hemming myself in and making me even more anxious. Maybe happiness occurs when you’re the caged bird. Or maybe familiarity is happiness.
Seems like I’m not as strong as I thought. Am running, running, running and escaping everything. I know I have to eventually face the music. Can feel myself slipping into some kind of angsty darkness- even before anything really starts- maybe the fear just cripples me so much. Even when I surround myself with loved ones and positivity. in the end this is a battle that I gotta fight on my own? God help all of us who are lost and deject.
/edit: maybe there’s too much social pressure to be ‘happy’ in doing what you do and I’m just another victim of this. Yeah that seems to explain things.
- live performances are more about the energy and engaging the audience! delivery is important but yeah just do your best haha
not my best singing lulz but the important thing is to keep calm and just carry on yall…
- charisma- things that set performers apart
- band trust
- I wanna get to the point where every live I do- I can manage to stay relaxed and focused, and concentrate on having fun and bringing this energy to the audience!
Also learnt loads from watching other people perform- take note of the best and things to avoid! Hahah. ONWARD WE GO~~
clap along, if you feel like a room without a roof
LOL THE KIDS WHO JUST JOINED US ON STAGE HAHAHA^^
Had a really fun gig with Jam City today! Practice sessions this week was full of nonsense but so fun :) Thanks guys :D
Also thanks a billion to our supporters for coming down :) And Weixuan for taking these photos!! (brb still crying HAHAHA —- he kena saboed by us to take part in this Indian Dance segment on stage— such good friends he has….)
Also charmed an auntie with my puppy eyes and scored us a box of free ice cream omgah life <3 HAHA love yall hope you had a good weekend too! love xx
if I see you next to never/how can we say forever?
Hahha ^ our last minute song change!
Woke up at 5 am today-slept early in a bid to reverse my body clock. Finished reading World War Z yesterday!! Arghh haha so unprepared for a zombie attack. Haha need to put a weapon in my house to blast some brains in case of emergency.
Went back to CAPT to practise- so much nonsense going on hahaha hope I don’t break down and laugh during the performance LOL!! The band is cray cray. Perf tmr! Yay :D
Then Junhao Chenchuan and I headed to Foodclique for lunch haha was soooo huungry. Ended up hobo-ing there for hours just talking and talking haha!! :D Apparently we are waterfalls, so refreshing. HAHA d’awws
I am… an escapist. Have started to tell people who ask me about my job search that ‘I will start looking in August’- sounds more legit than ’ I just don’t wanna work yet’ and it buys me more time really HAHA. Well I just need to tie up some loose ends now and like, enjoy my summer holiday!!
Met Joshua at the bus stop- haha so stoned from intern work! Everybody is going to Canada for SEP next semester- JH, Matt, Wenyi, Carol, Joshua, and more!! :O
Then went home to pick up some omiyage and headed to Kai’s for her bday gathering :))
YAY! So good to see everybody. We had a feast cooking meat & steamboating, followed by more snacks and drinks. Lol. KAI LIN HAS TWO NEW ALPACAS WHAT IS LIFE
Heheh much love xx
Met this adorable mother-daughter Shibu Inu combo on the way to the old cedar wood forest in Hakone! Meet Fu chan the mama, and Umi chan the daughter :) The kind shopowner gave us bunny shaped biscuits to feed them, and we had a nice chat :)#japan #hakone #shibu inu #blogpost #photo #dogs
A cutie pie I met on the Philosopher’s Path 哲学の道 in Kyoto! Had a brief conversation with the owner, this dog’s name is Win and used to be an ex-guide dog!#blogpost #dog #photo #japan #kyoto
I won’t lie and pretend that I know what I’m doing. Going to need more time to settle down and figure things out. Then there’ll be this little voice which goes, “What if you never figure it out?”
And that’s where I think I have to consider that I’ll never have an answer, and maybe I should just get going anyway. Like how Deng describes his Chinese policy- by crossing the river by touching stones- cautious.
Was reading this zombie fiction, ‘World War Z’- when some navy people stole a submarine and ‘went dark’, isolated from the rest of the world for a year. I think I need my space again and I might wanna ‘go dark’ too.
Before I actually start and find work- I want to settle down and finish all my projects, read some books, and just finish up things I have always left hanging.
Been having bad dreams lately. I used to have interesting, pleasant dreams.
Recently I had one where two seniors and I were trying to make our way somewhere- we got lost in a complex building and eventually they found a way out- by crossing this flimsy pebble bridge suspended high in the air by.. transparent nylon strings above a huge school fish pond. Like hell was I going to follow their route, so I kinda let them abandon me and find another route myself instead. They were not my friends, mostly just indifferent. Hmm.
Today I had one where I was trying to sleep but there was this tick tick tick sound- it’s true, when I was younger I could not sleep with clocks that were really loud. The setting was in my old house- and there was my sister and some other characters - but generally the feeling is crap and anxiety.
Maybe I’m stressed or something.
My dreams used to be nicer. There are days where I can wake up feeling loved. Or days where I have conversations with friends in my dreams. Once I even had a class outing.
Going downhill, I see.