the only barrier to a better tomorrow is yourself
but seriously what’s to stop me from staying right here in this comfortable, familiar spot?
(p.s. I can spin my own spiel of encouragement, but thanks anyway)
***Here’s a version of what goes on in my head. Extended version. (It’s very difficult to stay completely negative when the optimist mare in you is like neighing like a crazy bitch, with all the words golden and sunny.)
You just need to take a leap of faith. To have that little dash of courage. Staying where you are means you have no growth.
So what if I don’t want to grow up? What if I’m fine with my current situation?
Sunny mare is riled, and says: Fine! You love where you are right now, then be that way. But look at all the potential happiness you can have, if only you dared to take a step. To push yourself a little further.
But I’m tired. Empty. Out of fuel.
Then refuel. recharge. Don’t just lie there.
But I want to lie there. To be part of the nothingness.
Lies. You wanted to be more. Just because you couldn’t achieve what you wanted, you decided to give it all up. Now that’s just brat behaviour.
Then let me be that way. Brat, half-assed, half-hearted, with that half empty , half-achieved bucket of broken dreams.
You know you can do more.
But I don’t wish to anymore. There’s no point. What is life when you cannot find the meaning? Don’t tell me the point is to find meaning, or that meaning is illusory, and life is a process. We do not believe that crap.
You’re just in a rut. This will pass.
This isn’t even the first time. Maybe I’ll get excited over something again but sooner or later everything will fade, and we will return to where we are. What is the point? (This is getting cyclical, and also like Waiting for Godot. Do you not feel the increasing, pervasive sense of futility?)
I just don’t want to try anymore.
Fine. I refuse to talk to you any further, your mind is set in stone.
Hey, you’re not supposed to give up on me.