right from wrong
This has been a really rough week- physically and emotionally draining. Looking back I’m pretty horrified by my own emotions and behaviour but I guess the least I could do was to try to act rationally & own up to the fact that I have these emotions. Got triggered into the reflective stage by a visual cue- I’m sorry. 知错了。
It has only been Week 2 of school, but I feel very stretched and challenged, sometimes being forced to a corner and mostly feeling rather terrible. I have supportive friends who help me through the brunt of the worst days, and people who help me, care for me, are there to listen to me rant. Thanks for putting up with me. Truly.
But this week was painful because it revealed many aspects of human nature that is just plain ugly. Makes you really think twice about people and what we are all here for. I don’t claim to be a saint but isn’t it human to have flaws? I think doing conscious, deliberate hurtful actions is really…too much.
But I guess without darkness there is no light. Will take some time to internalise everything that has been going on around me- and hopefully.. work something out.
Things I learnt and tried this week.
- Asking for help.
- Allow myself to receive the help.
- I possibly take pride in being a night owl. Lame wounded badge.
- It’s all about human relationships. If this isn’t the biggest thing in life, then what is? It can’t be money, can’t be something material, nor something as abstract as ideas.
- I stood by what I believed in and at that point I know I have no regrets.
- There are many things I wish I could do better, manage better, troubleshoot better. But I accept my limits and that is all.
- Sorry for neglecting everybody out there. To be fair I have not even seen /hung out with my family for 1-2 weeks. Heading home tomorrow, so yay for that.
- Thanks for putting up with me, seriously.
- I appreciate it.