She was happy for her. And she thought so, and said so, sincerely. But somewhere in her heart she knew that she was envious. Jealous. Maybe even bitter. Because it could have been her. All the things she had- they could have been hers. This seemingly smooth and painless life she envied. So very much. Of course she understood the relativity of all matters in life- but she couldn’t help but feel that familiar bittersweet tug in the lowest wrenches of her dark, pulsing heart. She could have been better. She could have been the one. Yes,she could have been the one, and more. She tried to let go of this persistent feeling but it remained a dull, fuzzy ache that wouldn’t go away. A blind burst of anger and indignation clouded over her senses. Would it be pacified with other thoughts of resentment, she wondered. For a few moments she indulged in savage, violent thoughts. But she shook them off as loosely as these thoughts had arrived. This is why she squirmed whenever people thought her to be a kind, loving soul. They could not be more wrong. She was human, no less. Born with an innate inclination to commit sins, even if not physically, but inside the abysses of her mind. Not that it mattered anymore anyway, she realised. She was away now. Away from it all. Deleted from human memory and consciousness. The universe merely lost a speck of dust. Nothing to be overly concerned about. A slow twinge of sadness and self-pity crept up her chest. She backed away, resigned, ashamed that she still felt all these very human feelings. Hey God, she hollered. Dead people aren’t supposed to feel anything! And what is your point, exactly? She asked, knowing that she will not get a reply. She needed to get a grip on herself. Watching all these human events unfurl was quite cruel, no? The world was… simply getting by without her. This stung. Wasn’t there a place she could leave it all behind and actually rest in peace?! Please? She silently begged, eyes closed.
this one is gonna be a little rambly:
just finished tonight’s read: The Kitchen God’s Wife by Amy Tan. Picked it out from one of the shelves from MP NLB- a place I frequent ever since I was a kid. My mum used to drive us there during the weekends (?) and gradually I moved from the Kids level to the M section and finally the adult lending sections on the ground floor and the top floor. I love the library. I hardly do my reading there but I find peace there.
Today we hung out at Nex and I checked out Serangoon’s library! Quite a pretty themed place with plants and all but with a rather discomforting feet and carpet smell. Well you can’t have everything. My other favourite library would be Esplanade’s. It is beautiful and stylish, with cool black couches. Compared to the bright green and fun ones at Nex’s. I have also been to Geylang East’s for a volunteer library thing- and visited Bedok’s and sometimes Central Library. Though they have more books and stuff I have yet to really come to appreciate the other ‘restricted’ floors- with rarer books and archives. But I do love the open ‘bazaar’ space at Central’s.
Have yet to blog about my photographing session with Godwin’s magic performance but I find watching human behavior very fascinating. It was very intriguing to see how people reacted on camera - the little casual looks into the camera, the way the behaved. Was at the grocery’s today (haha, atas reference to NTUC.) and was trying to casually peek at items people check out. Some full carts of junk food… a man with his own trolley. A lady who bought a brand of milk I never even noticed- all I could think was why would you buy that brand? Was it good? (Secretly in my head I would think nah. I’m a complete Magnolia fan by the way.)
This also extends to why I like to visit people’s houses and rooms, and even cars. I wanna see the environment you live in- what you are surrounded by, what you are inspired by. What you face in the morning, what you look at in the day. What you look at when you open the windows, the views you get at night. What your home smelled like, how your shoes are ordered. How you decorate with your favourite posters, the type of soft toys you own and how worn out they are. They tell me all the little things about you. They tell so much.
In the end a simple explanation is that I am observant or maybe ‘kaypoh’. I sometimes notice the small, wayward things that nobody cares about and commit them to memory- when the larger, bigger shared experiences and memories fade to dust. Find it difficult to keep holding on to these little bits of information, maybe because I trust you to remember them for me. And for these other little tidbits- like what type of bedsheets you own- or the things you keep in your fridge- I keep to myself. These will be bits of you I will collect.
A little surprise in the unlikeliest places of life. Smile :)#blogpost #smile #pulau ubin
I have never been to Pulau Ubin so I was very very excited when Lydia invited me to go!
How to get there:
1. Tanah Merah MRT
2. Exit B
3. Take SBS Bus 2 to the last stop (Changi Ferry Terminal)
4. Hop on a bumboat for $2.50!
We rented bikes for $8/day!
Started on one of the trails but it began to rain.
We took shelter here! Started to eat. Haha.
We inched a little forward to another hut before it began pouring again. Hehe hilarious thing- we both packed the same chips!! Calbee Hot & Spicy chips HAHA. We also met friendly people from all over our trip! :)
Anyway forgot to intro: Lydia is my friend from my JS Pop Culture class! She is 1/4 of why I enjoyed the course so much :) The other 1/4 is Joey, 1/4 Melo (all my project mates~!) and 1/4 is the course itself. Introduced me to one of my favourite mangas NANA and things like Neon Evangelion and Astroboy and very interesting classmates.
On our way.. we met a family of boars.
Honestly I was scared as fuq haha. But of course it is my duty to photograph them for ya.
Climbed up Jejawi Viewing Tower!!
Spot Mr Crabby!!
We made it to Chek Jawa!!! Always wanted to visit this place- it was my initial Project Work idea- explains why I know about the Mangrove Boardwalk and its construction and etc. The government almost developed this place! But for once listened to the public and now we ge to preserve little piece of nature :)
^^^^^ Nature’s beauty. Look at the brilliance of those feathers!!! Need to so pretty or not?! Pretty Kingfisher :)
Cute little cottage place which was previously owned by a 1930s angmoh!!!! Now it’s a Visitor Centre! With a few exhibits and stuff. Was telling Lydia how this dude totally picked the right place for a holiday villa.
Wake up to this every morning!! C’mon! Really liked this place. It is also the only place with a working fireplace in Singapore now!!
One of the lush places we passed by. It’s even prettier in real life !!! Unbelievable colours (can’t capture them on camera haha)
Our bikes. Would recommend you to get the mountain bikes though. The slopes are killa!!! (But I really like basket bikes so..)
Also: check out them DURIAN TREES!!
Then we kinda headed back for late lunch at Changi Village! Was damn shag hahaha. Fell asleep promptly at 6pm and got up at like 2am?!?!! And am now blogging for you. Haha :)
I really enjoyed myself at Pulau Ubin! Nothing much to do but enjoy nature and cycle- and the only cons are mozzies and lack of ice cream!!!! Will totally head back :)
Been catching up with friends physically, online or stalking their blogs and whatnot- I am really happy when they are happy! We’re really all at different parts of our lives, different life stations, different environments and social circles- and when I find that you’re doing well, I am pleased for you :)
I acknowledge that perhaps it would take a lot of effort for us to be close but the distance now is okay, don’t you think? Comfortable enough to share our lives with each other, but leave at the end of the day to carry on with our separate lives. It’s not that we don’t love each other enough to put in effort to maintain close proximity- it’s just that sometimes this is simply enough.
And I always appreciate a nicely typed out blogpost. Kudos to all friends who still maintain blogs, I still read yours and I’m glad that you are giving me a chance to sneak a peek into your life.
Me: I’m still chasing after many things. Trying to progress but yes scattering energy is.. not very efficient. I believe that if I devote myself to just one pursuit I would probably be better at it faster. But that completely takes out the fun of life, in my opinion. I do things because I enjoy them :)
"Time is money. Why pay to do things that you hate?"
the exciting but scary part about this is that there is no set route or map on how to do this. let’s just roll.
me at work:
First day of work- my superior at work is really friendly and helpful. Shows me how things are done etc. Am thankful cos not all seniors are always this nice (experience -_-)
Fun stuff (collected over these two weeks):
- Couple comes to look at our knives.
Me: May I help you?
Man: She wants to kill me tonight so we’re looking for something sharp.
"I have all your products!~~ The pots- the knife sets- even your nail clippers."
"I have 100% trust in your products"
- (after introducing/explaining some product)
"I know, I have this at home and always buy things from you all"
Customers even buy it to gift families overseas. :O
- Customer comes by rolling a baby stroller. I’m like “So cute!”
Daddy Customer: You want? I can give you.
Mummy Customer: *sniggers*
Also: I like getting to see how staff entrances/staff premises are like. It’s another world from all the glitz on the shop front. The customer is indeed King.
update: 6 days in, I learnt to adapt quickly- the ONE day my boss isn’t in and I’m alone in the morning shift- all sorts of things happen. Forced myself to CTFO and deal with things objectively. Yeah :)
I also carried a huge ironing board down Orchard Road for a customer hah. I was mostly eh about it but this guy gave me funny/amused looks. Hahaha. And I make friends with aunties at the workplace too- most people are friendly. Apparently I heard that the bedsheet guys think I’m antisocial but hey whatever. /shrug
And inflexible protocol = I just wanna be my own boss. Have a lot of time to think about things like opening my own business.
I also realised that Y.E.S. I like to talk to people/customers but only if my product makes sense- don’t like to lie or use euphemisms and shit. But I anyways this is becoming a job hazard (albeit a good one) and I’m greeting bus drivers and random people on the road hahah.
Hilarious shirts (things that help me pass the time)
- YOU’RE ON MY “TO DO” LIST
- WAKE ME UP FOR MEALS
- O.K. shirt featuring Squishy from Monsters U, worn by a middle aged uncle.
There was this one time I had two pairs of customers flanking my sides- one speaking Japanese and the other in French. Was so amused to understand though I had no guts to speak in either. So rusty and cowardly jeez. So yeah I really hate myself for having the opportunity to speak but didn’t.. Sighpies.
Most of the time: I’m just pacing around in my area like a restless lion in a cage. Been a while since I did a sales job- glad to say that I have indeed grew thicker skin and I do like serving customers :)
Aight Imma enjoy the rest of my holidays now. Be back soon xoxo
sewing pins like:
embedded in the left palm of my hand- I was trying to remove them slowly but they hurt so much.
Dream analysis from The Curious Dreamer:
Hurting yourself :
Judging or punishing yourself
Being overly strict or harsh with yourself
A sign that you may be holding yourself to unhealthy and unrealistic rules or beliefs
I think this is totally related to the 10 000 hours concept I read in Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell.
i’m a little sun shy
Had class today- sigh hah I need to put in more hours.
Met Jojo & Jess today. HAHAHA hilarity ensues.
Had a nice Mocha Hazelnut Latte (Y) from Lena’s. Am currently making a list of things and gathering ideas for what I wanna put in my future cafe.
ie. coffee maker, vinyl machine, types of furniture, decor, menu etc. Gonna figure how much capital is gonna be involved!!! Stay tuned :)
We kinda went crazy. (In Tampines One, whateven. Hahah) LOL.
First stop, UNIQLO.
Jess is wearing a very Korean-y ensemble- she really likes the blue flowy pants.Paired with a simple white top and lovely hat and chic nerd glasses.
Jocelyn is wearing this cute dress thing that we initally thought was very pyjama-ish but when she wore it- it looks fine!!! Hahaha! With adorbz red polka dot lined pockets, a canvas coloured hat with bird designs and her own studded bag.
Me- wearing my own SUPER DRY shirt, with a blue polka dot hat and Andy Warhol banana print pants. Haha. Am considering getting this pair for real they are really fun lololol. Also wearing a pair of retro glasses. AND yes I am wearing flipflops cause 1. I was gonna go for training and HAHA IT’S TAMPINES AND IT’S THE EAST ANYWAYS. (ie. home territory) /shrug
SECOND STOP: NEW LOOK
ON JESS: Denim suspenders, sunnies, pastel peach ribbons tee and white crocheted flats.
ON ME: Denim button down, black and white aztec patterned print dress, black tipped white pointed heels and mauve sunnies.
Third stop, TOPSHOP.
On Jocelyn: Denim vest parited with sweet white tulle(?) dress.
On Jess: Yellow based dress with blue and white cheetah spots, with a golden chain belt
On me: Orange polka dot chiffon top and navy blue skater dress
Fourth (and last) Stop!!: FOREVER NEW
On me: White lace top with detail, purple skinny jeans, straw hat and pastel multi-coloured scarf tied into a hello kitty ribbon by jojo haha.
On Jojo: White dress with detailed bust and tulle! This girl loves her tulle.
On Jess: wide brimmed white sun hat and crocheted design white and gold dress
HAHAHA I may be inaccurate about the materials and shit but LOL yeah totally had fun HAHAHA. Photographs all taken and edited by Jess~~!
hahaha <3 you girls :)
PSI 290, haha everybody take care aight!
see you down sunday street
Now listening to : Blew My Mind by Dresses
Give this duo a try! The girl’s voice is very unique. Thanks for the heads up ^^
Well I haven’t been updating properly- I’d just do a quickie!
Happy Birthday Quek <333333 Can’t wait for next outing :) When Bolong comes back too.
Went for a short jam with Matt-put together my lyrics & his chords whoop let’s work on this!! then we caught an amazing local jazz band. Omg I really like the smiley drummer- it’s so beautiful when you see someone enjoying what they play so much. Matt was sad that the bassist didn’t get a solo haha. Also amazing harmonica & I love love love the guitar riffs I want to play things like that!! Inspiring stuff and a really tight performance I am very impressed!!! Fuqqq hope we get things going. KEEP IT ALIVE :)
One awesome moment during work: they started playing the Foster The People album WOW not bad (!!!!) Was so pleased. Today they played Mirrors as well <3 They also played James Morrison’s If You Don’t Wanna Love Me. Oh god I love that song. Totally cheers me up :)
Met ah niao for Monsters of course- catch up soon again ~~~
Wanted to watch Great Gatsby with Cass as scheduled one month ago BUT WHAT!!! the show was full house. なに？！But it’s kay got to catch up over dinner & ice cream :) Thanks and here’s to more fun times and more softball :D
Am reading Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers- ah it is pretty sad- 10 000 hours/10 years of practise to get somewhere. Suicidal attempt but it’s always worth a shot imo HAHA. I will take it as a pre-exam thing and build it up from there! The Beatles performed thousands and thousands of times, playing 8hours straight etc before they became better and then were famous… I guess there may not be any short cuts.
Ah well :) I’d end things here, goodbye for now xxxx
Do end off by listening to Sun Shy by Dresses :)
I’m a very “been there done that” person and that’s my ego speaking to you out there. Can’t really apologise for that really because if I ever do.. it ain’t sincere. At all. I have inflated views. About things. About myself. And how I think about things. (If I have not ‘been there done that’ either I’m just completely uninterested or am actually in the process of it ie. saving money to do something that requires money //waiting for the right time etc. I’m a go-getter and I don’t sit and wait around for good and exciting things to happen. If you want an adventure you need to go out there and find it!)
When I recommend things to others- it’s like IGNORE AT YOUR OWN PERIL. or it’s really your own loss haha. I trust that I have enough taste to share with you, only the good stuff. On tumblr I am a curator. I pick the best things, filter them and reblog them with you! And haha thank you for reading my blog as well. If you ever clicked the music, ever clicked the embedded videos, I hope you find them lovely. If not, thanks for giving it a try anyway. It means a lot to me that you trust my taste. Especially my music taste.
Tumblr: is where you share good music, videos, thoughts, graphics, humour, stories, products and the like. This is why I moved from Blogger to Tumblr. Cause ideas circulate faster and easier here. Things are more diverse. In Blogger you get more control but it is less interactive and definitely more insular than Tumblr.
Okay I need to go to bed now! Love yall and thanks for loving me big ego and all. x
I <3 MU
Remember the MU post I did a couple of days ago? Well I’m one of the lucky Nuffnang winners to get a pair of tix to catch MU before it officially hits the theatres on 20th June.
FKN EXCITING OF COURSE: this is us with Cathay’s free and new and nice 3D glasses! Not bulky, look like sunglasses and comes with a sunglass fabric bag case and even cloth to wipe the 3D glasses even o_o
Sooooooooo it is awesome getting a free sneak! Along with other lucky winners, bloggers and people I imagine that have jobs such as the Straits Times movie reviewer in the Lifestyle section. Cha recognised some minor bloggers/models while I was just like lol. They were really strict thoughh- no recording devices, period. Everyone had to deposit their phones in envelopes that you collect after the movie. (The guy dramatically tore it open when we retrieved our items, /amused)
Wow it would be so awesome to always be invited to special events and sneaks!!! !!!! !!!! !!!!
Okay that aside- be sure to catch the after credits scene and also snap a picture with Sulley and Mike. Will not spoil y’all with anything but HAHA I LOVE THE MOVIE SO MUCH I don’t even. I really like the MU cap (!!!!) (GIMMEEEEE)
And be sure to get dem plushies at ahem the place where I work now HAHA :)
Thank you Pixar and Disney for another awesome movie love love.
Also I think you will also be catching an animated short the Blue Umbrella- rather adorable! But not the best animated short around.
I’d share more soon! Bye and stay out of the haze guys drink more water. <3
Also happy happy happy 21st birthday to quek 15, hoyee 17 & lingz 18 <3